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Sunday, February 10, 2013

Turdas, 12:37 PM, 30th of Frostfall



My loyal Aranea...how could I have done that to you!  Still I am plagued with guilt.




My loyal little warrior wished me luck before I set off on my trek to High Hrothgar.  I truly hope that I can see her again, but if not, I left all the gold I possess in a chest in our bedroom.  Erandur is accompanying me, I hope that we can find what we are looking for here, in the fortress of the Greybeards   I have not spoken to any of them save the one who let me in, fed me, and gave me this stone bed for the night, he says we will speak in the morning.



Friday, February 8, 2013

Tirdas, 11:40 pm, 28th of Frostfall

I'm out on the roof of Dragonsreach right now.  It's so quiet and peaceful, and Erandur tells me that the sky is beautiful to behold.  There have been many things which have changed in my life in the last few days.  Not the least of which me realizing that I am a murderous coward who is torn between the life she left and the life she wishes to someday have.

I have killed Aranea.  It was the will of Boethia, and though I told myself that I would never consider such an act, I somehow found myself led to the shrine enticed to snare her to the pillar.  I then watched in horror as my own hands, by no will of my own, grasped her fair throat and strangled the life from her body.  I was horrified.  But only for a moment.  Then the numbness set in.  I was not surprised at all when her corpse reanimated, when the voice of the Daedric goddess spoke through Aranea's hollow body.  I listened and obeyed passively when Boethia ordered me to slay all who followed her, and surrounded her shrine.  I felt no more remorse, no flicker of shame as one after another loyal followers of the vile Daedric lord fell beneath my fiery spells.

Boethia spoke to me again after this carnage has passed, she instructed me to go to a certain mine and kill another follower of hers who resided there.  In retrospect, it was almost as if I was under some sort of charm spell, for without hesitation, I set out upon my journey.  As the miles between me, and the shrine of Boethia increased, so did the sway she had over my decisions.  I reached a point finally that I will never forget.  I stopped by a little river and knelt down.  I said a prayer to Mara.  Me, the Dunmer who grew up worshiping Azura, being told the divines were worthless...and dabbling in necromancy   I prayed to Mara.  I asked her for forgiveness for what I had done, and what I was about to do.  It was as if she heard my prayer, for my head was cleared of all Daedric influences, it was me, and me alone who charged into the mine, wiped out every soul, retrieved the Ebony mail, and became champion of Boethia.  But I am done with the Daedric lords.  For now at least.  Until I am stronger in spirit, and can more easily fight off their powers.  For now I believe I must avoid them or risk becoming another of their mindless followers.  They feed off of raw power, and I am not hesitant to say that I am a very powerful dunmer.  I'm sure any one of them would love to have my body and strengths to move around like a puppet on display.  But that will never happen, I will see to it!

As for why I am in Dragonsreach with the Priest of Mara, Erandur.  Well, after I murdered Aranea, retrieved the ebony mail, and returned to Boethia I was still plagued with guilt.  Since I was, and still am, positive that Mara is the one who cleared my mind of Boethia's presence I thought perhaps she could also help me with my guilt.  I could think of no better man to talk to about this problem than Erandur, seeing as he was stricken with guilt as well for different reasons.  So I traveled to Dawnstar and located him.  He was immediately sympathetic, but similarly unhelpful.  He told me that Mara would help me deal with the guilt, but she would not take it away.  To sum up, he told me I may have to deal with these memories for the rest of my life.

I do not welcome that thought, but then again, this is real life, I suppose I should learn to cope with it.  That is the main reason that Erandur is accompanying me now.  The man that I once wrote in this book I was considering offering to Boethia, is now by my side, helping me to come to terms with the fact that I murdered the only woman whom I have been near to calling a friend.  We spent so many days together, fought so many bandits, thieves, trolls, and draugr.  She deserved so much better than that.  But I must move on.

Erandur has told me that I should focus all of my effort on studying my powers.  I explained to him about my ability to shout in the Nordic tongue, and he strongly recommends that we go to High Hrothgar and learn what we can from the Grey Beards.  That is why we have traveled to Whiterun, to get some supplies before setting off up the mountain.  He is helping me.  But at the same time, this man has some dark secrets as well. Perhaps that is why he is able to understand my pain so well.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Thursday, 19:18, 7th of Febraury

Well, Dragonborn is out.

Haven't played it yet, but am hopeful that it will be epic.  The fact that I get to go to Solthsiem, an island from one of the most epicest games I ever played, Morrowind, makes me even more excited.  And with that said, I've been doing some thinking...is it time Ravenna was laid to rest and another champion took her place?  Perhaps I'm only saying that because I'm sad that I haven't been able to get my hearthfire child to follow me like I want it too...and it's frustrating the hell out of me.

But I'm not sure if I'm ready to abandon Ravenna yet.  I just want so bad to be able to have Lucia be a follower and wear armor and such.  The worst part is I know it's possible, I even almost kind of have it working...it just requires upwards of 15 separate mods to make it happen...which makes me sad becuase after the oblivion crisis I've been trying to keep the mods to a minimum.  Plus the follower ai is glitched for children it seems...and it scares the crap out of me to suddenly have her running around naked.  Not something I need to see on a Thursday night...

So maybe I will just uninstall the mods and pick up where I left off...idk.  It's either that or Andre the Alikr warrior will take over...

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Turdas, 11:28 PM, 23rd of Frostfall

Brought Lucia to Riverwood.  It was late when we got here, so I wasn't able to show her around much.  Mostely just to her bed where she crashed almost immediatly.  Hopefully she enjoys it and is able to find fun things to do.

My steward informed me that she had caught some bandits snooping about yesterday.  I will have to investigate.  I don't need any problems like that.

Lucia found a dog on our way here.  Meeko she's calling him.  Aranea hates it.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

11:59 PM, 22nd of Frostfall

Went back to Whiterun finally yesterday and spent the night at Breezehome.  Lucia was overjoyed to see me, in fact she continuously supplied me with fresh picked flowers for my entire stay there.  It was a bit unnecessary  but perhaps I can use them for alchemy?  She was obviously not thrilled when I told her that we will be relocating, but she didn't argue much.  The child seems used to the road.  Perhaps someday I will take her on one of my journeys.  If she sticks around that long...
Ysolda, in Whiterun asked me if I stumbled across any mammoth tusks in my adventuring, if I wouldn't mind bringing her one.  As I wanted to head to Lakeview manor anyways, I decided to take the straightforward method of obtaining a tusk and attacked a mammoth   I was worried for a moment during the fight, as I could have sworn I sensed the presence of a dragon near by but Aranea calmed my fears.  I must be getting paranoid.
Lakeview manor is complete.  I will go to get Lucia in the morning.  All that I may do now is add some shrines in the basement, and perhaps mount a few more trophies.  Not that anyone will ever see them, but why not?

Morndas, 5:34 PM, 20th of Frostfall

Got delayed unexpectedly after slaying the giant at Cradle-crush   Which by the way had claimed the life of another alchemist in the mean time.  He was also a fellow dark elf, I wonder if he was from Windhelm?  While returning to the city to speak to the inn-keep and inform him of the giants death, I was stopped by an Argonian dock worker.  For some reason he thought that complaining to me about how he wasn't payed enough would make me do something miraculous and he'd have more gold...

Needless to say that didn't happen, but the interruption was long enough that a certain fellow who was one of the higher ups in the east empire shipping company was able to accost me as well.  It seems that the members of the east empire company from Solitude who witnessed my retrieval of the verse of Olaf the one eyed sent word to its branch in Windhelm.  Basically they wanted my help to fight off some pirates who, at the command of certain unscrupulous Nords in this city, were attacking their ships and stealing or sinking their purchases.  I was hesitant to help until the mentioned that Haldyn, a powerful fire mage, was part of their party.  Then I was practically begging to be part of the trip.  I'd heard of Haldyn, folk here in Skyrim spoke of him as an all powerful mage who wielded fire like it was another limb.  I am always eager to test my skill, and what better opponent than a mage who is much more feared than I am?

Well, the battle was short, and I stand unimpressed.  I must admit, I did use my talent at stealth to land the first blow, thus staggering him and getting in another free shot as well.  So perhaps I tilted the tables in my favor from the beginning.  But what wise mage wouldn't do so given the opportunity?

I was handsomely rewarded for my time by the Company, which I gratefully received.  On my way back south, I passed through Dawnstar.  After a harrowing dragon attack had passed, and I was able to catch my breath, I began to feel that their was a strong Daedric presence in the town, and I was not much surprised when I was approached by a priest of Mara.  He had just heard of my success in disbanding the Blood Horkers, and was practically begging me to assist him in ridding Dawnstar of the Curse of Vaermina.  I know very little of Vaermina, save she is associated with sludge and decay and nightmares   I now also know that she is a vicious liar who will do anything to see the naive fall.
I agreed to helping the priest.  The temple, Nightcaller temple as it was called, was full of a strange gas, known as Miasma, which had put all of its occupants underneath a strong spell of sleep.  When we unsealed the door however, they began to wake up.  It was mostly occupied with followers of Vaermina, with a few remaining Orcs who had apparently tried to raid the temple, only to fall victim to the Miasma as well.  We dispatched of them easily, as they were confused and, although very hostile, lacked much motor control at all.

We finally came to a point in the temple where their was a powerful magical barrier blocking any progression.  The priest of Mara then revealed to me that he was the only priest of Vaermina to have survived the attack without falling under the spell of the Miasma.  Somehow he managed to flee the temple.  He also stated that he was wracked with guilt afterwards which is why he become a priest of Mara.  Interesting.  However, his prior knowledge of Vaermina's temple did come in handy, as he knew of a certain torpor which could induce some sort of waking dream-like state on an individual.

Of course he volunteered me to do it.  I'm still not exactly sure what it was that I drank, or what the images and words that I saw were.  But it was certainly a dream, for in it I could see everything as if my eyes had never been touched by the flames.  Somehow I managed to navigate the dream world well enough that I was able to dissipate the magical barrier.  After I did so, I awoke.  I had an awful headache, my eyes were on fire, and my throat felt like sandpaper.  All side effects of the torpor, according to Mara's representative.

Finally we reached our goal, the source of Dawnstars' nightmares.  The skull of corruption.  I am torn between the choice I made at this point.  The skull is, of course, being a Daedric artifact, incredibly powerful.  However, it is also incredibly evil and, since it is an artifact of Vaermina, uncontrollable   I allowed the priest to finish his ritual and destroy the skull, or at least banish it.  It was a battle though for me, it didn't help that Vaermina was whispering into my head the whole time, commanding me to slay the priest and claim the skull.
After that little event, the priest of Mara pledged himself to me, saying that if I ever need his assistance, he will be at the temple, waiting for me.  The evil side of me remembers the challenge the followers of Boethia presented me with.  But the sensible side of me screams, 'anyone but a priest of a divine!'

Spending the night in my corner of flour sacks again in Windhelm.  Hopefully I'll be able to leave tomorrow, they are having problems with murders around here, but I looked into it a little, and it seems that they are only affecting Nord women, and as the Nord women around here are almost without fault complete bitches, I find it does not affect me at all.
 
  I visited the castle after I got back from Dawnstar today.  Just listening to Ulfric and his advisers talk is enough to make one sick.  It's as if the only lives he considers sacred are those of the Nords who side with him.  It's enough to make me want to join the Empire just so I can have an army to back me when crush his neck beneath my boot.  His castle mage, Wuunfurth also seems a sketchy type.  He claims to be a master of Destruction, and then in the same sentence told me he could never train me anything as my skill was so great.  I'm not sure about him, he has an aura of undeath about him.  One that is ever so familiar to me.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Loredas, 1:06 PM 18th of Frostfall

Still have not been back to Whiterun  Lucia is probably going to start wondering if I died out here.  Almost. A few times.  But none noteworthy.  My biggest battle was by far the troll ambush I encountered on my way up to Windhelm.  I'm staying at the New Gnisis Corner club tonight.  It typically does not offer a place to sleep, but there is a definite hostility towards my kind here in Windhelm, so I asked if I could stay here, my bed is two burlap sack full of flour, but it's better than a knife in the back, which I am afraid may have welcomed me at the Candlelight Inn.  Such an inviting name for a group of such hostile people.
The reason I am in this area of Skyrim is simple.  On my way back from the Dwemer forge, I was examining my map, marking it with the location of the forge and such.  It was while perusing my cryptic notes scattered across the worn parchment that I realized a fragment of the Gaulder amulet rested nearby, withing half a mile of where I stood as a matter of fact.  It was in another Draugr crypt of course, Geirmunds rest I believe it was called.  The crypt itself was not as expensive as the first, but it's guardian was much more powerful.  He had the capability of casting a teleport spell on himself, and cloning at the same time.  Making it almost impossible for me to tell which image to fire at, typically in a situation like this I would have been able to sense the clones from the real enemy because the clones have no life in them, where as the enemy does, however, in this case all were lifeless since the guardian was a draugr.  Finally, Aranea, the priestess of Azura had an idea, she grabbed an old Nordic bow from a dusty draugr corpse and began to fire arrows at the draugr.  The arrows stuck in the real image, but phased through the clones.  Once she had some arrows sticking out of the true guardian she was able to guide our shots of fire to the correct enemy by yelling to me 'left', 'right', or 'mid'.  It was a tedious battle, as the draugr was also capable of shouting in the Nordic tongue, but we came out victorious in the end.

I retrieved the second amulet fragment, once again on fire to find them all and unlock Gaulder's power.  For that reason Aranea and I traveled from Geirmunds, directly to Saarthal, only stopping to spend the night in an abandoned watchtower.

We were met with disappointment at Saarthal however.  The ruins were sealed shut tight, it looks as if an excavation is either taking place there, or about to.  I considered going to Winterhold to see if the Jarl new anything about it, but I would assume that it has something to do with the mage's college, since there was a large chest on the sight, stocked with textbooks and works on ancient Nordic history.  For this reason I held off on going to Winterhold.  The Jarl has no love for the mages I have learned, and I don't believe I am ready to try and barter with them either.  All I want is access to the ruins.  i suppose I will have to travel there eventually if I am ever to recover the last fragment, but it can wait for a week or so.

On my way to Windhelm I discovered the cult of Boethiah's hiding place.  They seem to think that I wish to join their ranks.  I do not.  However I have discovered that being a champion of a Daedra is never without it's perks.  In order to start the initiation process I was instructed to bring a willing victim to the shrine and slay them.  A task which is easier said than done as most people would never willingly follow me.  However I will keep it in mind, and if the opportunity presents itself, I will take it.  Aranea, of course, is repulsed by the idea as she sees all Daedra as nothing, except Azura, who is everything.  I have to agree with her that Azura is the only Daedra whom I view as truly powerful.  She holds the moon in one hand, the sun in the other, and the stars surround her head.  It is a beautiful, ethereal power.  However, the other Daedra are not without their own unique abilities, and the more I can glean from their power, the more power I can possess.  Nothing wrong with that.
I was asked by the barkeep if I could do him a favor and kill the giant at cradlecrush rock, apparently this giant is stalking the land where the barkeep likes to pick herbs for his alchemy.  Being not only a fellow alchemist, but also slightly in his debt I agreed.  So I will have to do that tomorrow, before heading out of here, I also believe that I will go up to the palace.  I wish to see this Ulfric, speak with him, see what drives him.  So far he is not making many friends among my people, and although I am a banished refugee, an enemy of the Dunmer is still an enemy of Ravenna.  I am beginning to think that the sooner the Stormcloak rebels are disposed of the sooner that Skyrim can go back to it's natural state.  Of course there are also the Thalmor and the Forsworn whom I view as twin blights of equal repulsiveness which must be eradicated as well.  But without the rebels constantly attacking and starting petty squabbles, and neglecting the common good, disposing of the others will be much easier.